Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

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Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Santosh Kumar
This post was updated on .
As our community is progressing educationally and financially ,parents are finding difficulty in getting the  best marriage alliance for their children in the community.Soon parents get apprehensive about getting the best match with good family background.Even many well educated youngesters privately admit that they are not able to find the normal match ,if not the best matching partner within the community.They find only an average match not suited to his / her aspirations and finally settle down with the last choice.A minority community like ours is facing this problem ,which is not a healthy sign of a socio-cultural progress.Parents who are unable to find a prospective match in the nearby locality, either compromise with nearest match or
select a distant match.There could be many reasons for this issue like

1. Scarcity of Profesionals / well-educated prospects in a given locality / taluk / district perhaps due to low community population
2. Growing educational and economical disparity between the two sexes.
3. Aspirations and peer group pressure from the mainstream society.
4. Pseudo-elitistic attitude leading to blind rejection of community values.
5. Late search for alliances or search limited to nearest region / locality .
6. Unawarness of the ones own legacy and community ethos.
7. Misleading marriage brokers interested only in their brokerage fee.
8. Unreasonable / Unjustified dowry demands .
9. Low self esteem  -  the alcoholism

(These are the ground realties which are emerging from our new socio-economic status.Its not to hurt anybody's family sentiments,question/compare anybody social status or feel inferior/superior about ourself )
 
The issue of mismatching alliances not suited to mutual aspirations is slowly leading to many social problems like early divorce, uncongenial family environment,mistrust among families,compulsion in searching partners outside the community,late marriages etc.Though its not in a alarming stage , in days to come these issues can cummulate to a social disorder .

Very few are able to get the best match bcz they are socially aware,have empathy and  know community ethos.

Have u /  ur relatives / friends come across such an issue.? Is this problem really existing ? Is it worth discussing ?  What can be the possible remedies for preserving our socio-cultural identity.? Send ur comments.
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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Rajeev
Hello Santhosh,

Thank you for taking up this very good and coming up danger topic  of best marrige alliance....
your all points are correct as I know that there are lot of parents are seraching for bride and grooms of thier kids and ending up with no hope.

and I feel that some of we are not known to each other those who are staying away from our colony...
and out of kerala.

we the kudumbi community spread over from Mattannoor to TVM and even kattapana, Azhutha ( foot way to sabarimala)

let us put our effort to connect our communitiy some more closer.

Keep in touch...

Regards
Rajeev
rajeev_pl007@yahoo.co.in


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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Santosh Kumar
This post was updated on .
Hi Rajeev,
             Thank u for the post and ur concern. I meet many parents and youngsters as a part of my social work from different parts of Kerala.On behalf of them i wanted to raise this issue. On Makam 1 (January 14/15) kudumbis from all over Kerala gather at Kodungallur Kurumba Bhagavathy temple.This is perhaps the only mega-gathering of our community where marriage alliance use to take place with a communal background of family meetings. But everything has changed now. I think our moderator of kudumbi.com has designed a exclusive matrimonial section and send it to all the users of the site. Try utilize and spread its awareness. Perhaps we also need a regular annual family meet like wats done by the GSB's in Kerala.They are also facing this social disorder.Share ur experiences with others if any. Definitely people from Mattannoor to TVM and even kattapana, Azhutha ( foot way to sabarimala)  can unite through this forum and  bond our community in the days to come. More Suggestions expected.


Santosh kumar
santoshkrish@gmail.com
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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Shaji Lekshmanan
Administrator
This post was updated on .
Hi Santhosh,

Thanks for the compliments on the matrimonial section. I hope our folks post their profiles and make use of this section to the fullest. I would appreciate if you could help in publishing about this in the Marga Deepam. I hope Marga Deepam reaches every Kudumbi home. Else, I feel the matrimonial section would stay in the limelight.

I very much stand by the issue (marriage alliance and social disorder) you have raised. I guess it is very much prevailing in our community. Atleast I know of two or three families going through this issue.

Possible remedies for preserving our socio-cultural identity (My thoughts):
1.Treat marriage a Sacrosanct
Man and woman represent the two halves of the divine body. There is no question of superiority or inferiority between them. However, it is a scientific fact that the emotional side is more developed in women. This does not mean that intellectually, women are inferior
2.Duties of a Woman
Hindu scriptures (Shastras) have allotted certain specific duties to Hindu women. These duties include maintaining domestic peace, adjustment of social relations and attainment of spiritual perfection.Most modern women in our community do not realize this, so do men.
3. Duties of a man
Men by nature are less capable of self-restraint than women. That is why, after marriage the women lead the men by keeping the lustful propensities under control. While married, thought of any other man does not enter the mind of a lady until she loses her faith in her husband due to his consistent misbehavior and 'don't care' attitude. Refrain from alcoholism and dowry demands
4.The Idea of Marriage
The idea behind the institution of marriage is to foster, not self-interest, but love for the entire family. Practice of self-restraint is the ideal of marriage in Hinduism. It is the love and duty cultivated for the entire family that prevents the break-ups.
5.Protecting the Institution
It should be a matter of great concern that we have begun to ignore the ancient and lofty ideals of Kudumbi marriage and are anxious to follow in the footsteps of cultures that do not value these ideals. No wonder, the number of divorce suits filed by Kudumbi couples are on the rise. Instead of strengthening the traditional ideals, which for thousands of years have helped us prevent marriage and family break-ups, we are misdirecting our energies towards promoting the ideal of sense-enjoyment and self-interest. In my opinion, it is still not too late to be proactive to protect the sanctity of Kudumbi marriage. It begins with just understanding the fundamentals of a marriage.

We should regard the institution of marriage as a sacrament and not just a contract between two persons of opposite sex. It is as much a union of two families as between two individuals. It is a lifelong commitment and is the strongest social bond between a man and a woman.

Cheers !!
Shaji
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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Santosh Kumar
Hi Shaji,
       Thanks for the prompt reply.I was not sure that this issue was limited to a small group.But 2 posts have confirmed that the aspiration of the parents indeed is an issue irrespective of their social ,financial status. But nobody dares to speak about this. Anyhow ur guidelines are an eye opener to the young generation couples. Even though u live in a foreign country, ur sincere concern for the community ethos is an example for many. People are now becoming individualistic , self centric and have many reasons to justify their stand.When a crisis arises, the spouses do not get any emotional , social , family support available. Best marriages  always flourish only in a healthy family background.Even though the traditions have undergone many changes with social evolution,the old is gold traditions are still relavent during such occasions. But we are seeing a trend in the community of following the so called "cultured traditions and lavish spending" under the pretext of encouraging progressive thoughts and asserting ones neo-financial goody status (Puthu-panakaran-enda alpathvam.sorry if it hurts.). This trend is blindly getting emulated in the lower income group.

 "It is as much a union of two families as between two individuals" is true.It this union of family which transcends the geographical boundaries,cascading into strong bondage of love and respect.This nurtures a sense of unity or brotherhood in the community preseving the social identity.

Im writing  an article about "Internet presence of kudumbis" in the next issue of Magdeepam.I have mentioned about this forum and other related sites.


Regds
Santosh Kumar
santoshkrish@gmail.com
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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Rajeev
In reply to this post by Santosh Kumar
Hi Santhosh,
 
Sorry for the delayed reply as i got stuck up with my work ....
really I missed this year Jan 14th Thalapoli of Kodungaloor.....
 
Any how in relation with that 1 % reservation there is a one day programme at Paroor thorugh KSA students union i hope....on Jan 26th.
 
February 08th is our Temple anual festival at Pizhala... It is a Vishu temple run by our kudumbi community and you may know that Pizhala is a colony of Our folks
 
do pen some times as .......
 
Regards
Rajeev


"Santosh Kumar (via Nabble)" <[hidden email]> wrote:
Hi Rajeev,
             Thank u for the post and ur concern. I meet many parents and youngster as a part of my social work from different parts of Kerala.On behalf of them i wanted to raise this issue. On Makam 1 (January 1-14/15) kudumbis from all over Kerala gather at Kodungallur Kurumba Bhagavathy temple.This is perhaps the only mega-gathering of our community where marriage alliance use to take place with a commmunal background of family meetings. But everything has changed now. I think our moderator of kudumbi.com has designed a exclusive matrimonial section and send it to all the users of the site. Try utilize and spread its awareness. Perhaps we also need a regular annual family meet like wats done by the GSB's in Kerala.They are also facing this social disorder.Share ur experiences with others if any. Definitely people from Mattannoor to TVM and even kattapana, Azhutha ( foot way to sabarimala)  can unite through this forum and  bond our community in the days to come. More Suggestions expected.


Santosh kumar
[hidden email]


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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Santosh Kumar
Rajeev,
          The student meet at Paravoor was attended by nearly 300 students. I visited the venue. The function was inaguarted by Mr.Pratap Singh Vellip (Vice President of All India Kurmi-kunbi  Association-).He was a Deputy collector in Goa.He is the Goan contact for many kudumbis for the past 10 yrs and most respected Goan among the  Kerala kudumbis .Also the Career program conducted by Mr Prakash Menon NIIT Director was highly informative .


I saw the festival booklet of Moorthickal Sree Vishnu temple, Pizala last day. I read the booklet and found the vanji eddpu and pallakku puja rituals interesting . These rituals are very rare in kudumbi temples. . Your temple still preserves the  kudumbi traditions which is highly appreciable.Iam the temple President of our temple at Thuravoor .If u happen to visit during  festival at Pizhala Vishu temple please send me some info or pics of these rituals. se u soon


Regds
Santosh


On Sun, Jan 25, 2009 at 9:01 AM, Rajeev (via Nabble) <[hidden email]> wrote:
Hi Santhosh,
 
Sorry for the delayed reply as i got stuck up with my work ....
really I missed this year Jan 14th Thalapoli of Kodungaloor.....
 
Any how in relation with that 1 % reservation there is a one day programme at Paroor thorugh KSA students union i hope....on Jan 26th.
 
February 08th is our Temple anual festival at Pizhala... It is a Vishu temple run by our kudumbi community and you may know that Pizhala is a colony of Our folks
 
do pen some times as .......
 
Regards
Rajeev


"Santosh Kumar (via Nabble)" <ml-user+124006-1929451557@...> wrote:
Hi Rajeev,
             Thank u for the post and ur concern. I meet many parents and youngster as a part of my social work from different parts of Kerala.On behalf of them i wanted to raise this issue. On Makam 1 (January 1-14/15) kudumbis from all over Kerala gather at Kodungallur Kurumba Bhagavathy temple.This is perhaps the only mega-gathering of our community where marriage alliance use to take place with a commmunal background of family meetings. But everything has changed now. I think our moderator of kudumbi.com has designed a exclusive matrimonial section and send it to all the users of the site. Try utilize and spread its awareness. Perhaps we also need a regular annual family meet like wats done by the GSB's in Kerala.They are also facing this social disorder.Share ur experiences with others if any. Definitely people from Mattannoor to TVM and even kattapana, Azhutha ( foot way to sabarimala)  can unite through this forum and  bond our community in the days to come. More Suggestions expected.


Santosh kumar
santoshkrish@...


Add more friends to your messenger and enjoy! Invite them now.


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--
Santosh Kumar
Chertala
Kerala
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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Rajagopal
In reply to this post by Santosh Kumar
Dear all

My name is Rajagopal,residing at Cherthala, and working as an Engineer in D.R.Congo,Africa

I am so happy to see  such a forum whereby u guys are serious and really this marriage issues are
there. But it  is just a beginning only.
luckly we identified and way out also possible if we work together.

As you mentioned we have to create a platform to meet  people each other,dosent matter whether it is by force or not.
Our past organisations  were not prevail to build up such a situation were by all kudumbies gather,under one roof  such as in christain organisation and so on.

We have to work closer  to build up a social forum, is the way we can make it

Please find my mail id raj@marsavco.com
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Re: Aspiration of a parent - Best marriage alliance

Santosh Kumar
In reply to this post by Shaji Lekshmanan
hi,
          I have written an article on "Growing internet Presence of Kudumbis" and briefed about all the kudumbi related web sites  and their urls .It has been published on June-July -2009 edition (the latest edition as of today ).


regds
santosh
 

On Tue, Dec 30, 2008 at 4:39 AM, Shaji Lekshmanan (via Nabble) <[hidden email]> wrote:
Hi Santhosh,

Thanks for the compliments on the matrimonial section. I hope our folks post their profiles and make use of this section to the fullest. I would appreciate if you could help in publishing about this in the Marga Deepam. I hope Marga Deepam reaches every Kudumbi home. Else, I feel the matrimonial section would stay in the limelight.